The following opinions expressed by Scott M. Erickson are his own and do not officially represent the views of the American Counseling Association or the Wyoming Mental Health Professions Licensing Board. The expression of these opinions does not constitute a real or implied counselor-client relationship.

It will first be helpful to make sure that there is some understanding about the differences between guilt and shame. Guilt is adaptive, needed, and helpful; shame is maladaptive, unnecessary, and destructive. Here are some of the differences: guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame says, “I am a mistake.” Guilt says, “I did something wrong,” shame says, “I am (intrinsically) wrong.” Guilt says, “I did something against my values,” shame says, “Because of what I have done I have no value.” It is healthy to pay attention to and resolve guilt. Likewise, it is healthy to practice ignoring shame. I have noticed that when we ignore guilt and/or surrender energy over to shame, our challenges continue to be perpetuated.

At least part of our focus must be to do our best to consistently act in accordance with our aspirations and best selves so our experiences of guilt (and its ugly cousin shame) are relatively infrequent. However, even the most skilled among us is consistently inconsistent with fully enacting our core values in day to day life. Here are some things to try when we inevitably fall short and experience guilt.

First, tune in. Though certainly unpleasant, our guilt has something to teach us about how to do better and be better. Paying attention in a concerted enough way and long enough to discover WHY what we have done is causing us guilt can be particularly helpful.

Second, lean in. Our natural inclination is to respond to distressing emotional experiences by pulling away and avoiding them. Imagine yourself leaning into the discomfort, listening to our guilt as we would to a caring and firm teacher.

Third, repair. Often, our first impressions regarding what we can do or say that will lead to an effective resolution of guilt are the most important to follow. We need to gather the strength and courage to move our feet toward repairing whatever breach our behavior may have caused.

Scott M. Erickson is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Kemmerer who has provided counseling services in southwest Wyoming for the last eleven years. Erickson’s mission is to “be a dynamic catalyst helping you to empower your best self.” He can be reached at his website www.scottthecounselor.com or his Facebook page: Erickson Counseling & Coaching LLC.